The Psychology of Attraction: 5 Ways to Attract the Person of your Dreams:

So you found the man of your dreams or the woman who melts your heart, now what…? How are you ever going to make your sweetheart interested in you? How do you bridge the gap between being isolated souls and becoming romantic partners?

Based on my research study of more than a dozen people’s intimate experiences of flirting, here is a summary of 5 common ways that successful flirters communicate attraction:

1.    Use eye contact

Did you know that the most sure-tell way to tell if someone is attracted to you is to notice how they look at you? In almost every case I studied, when eye contact was slightly off, people started having doubts about the other person’s attraction to them. So how do you look at someone to communicate attraction? Simple. Imagine your eyes are hands that reach into and grab the other person’s eyes. Let your gaze linger just a tad bit longer than you normally would. The person of your dreams has to feel your look and has to feel touched by your gaze. Don’t just look, make eye “contact”!

2.    Flirt with your body

Many people complain that they end up in the “friend zone”. To avoid that make sure that you communicate your attraction by making the encounter with your heart throb a sensual one. The best way to do that is to use our body, rather than just your words. Lean slightly into the other person’s personal space, or let your hand linger a little bit longer than usual when you casually touch their knee. Find ways to include the element of “touch” when you flirt, it is one of the sure-tell ways to communicate physical attraction and set yourself miles apart from being just a friend.

3.    Stop asking questions and start connecting

A question and answer session is not how you make someone feel close to you. Often the best way to bridge the divide between two people is to find shared experiences to talk about. This is why it might be beneficial to include some shared activity when you go on a date rather than just going to have dinner. A shared experience creates a point of connection outside of your isolated personal worlds. Now instead of ping-ponging words back and forth, you discover yourselves in a shared enjoyment, a mutual experience, or something in your shared surroundings.  ind ways to meet your partner in the world of shared experiences, rather than tell the stories of your own accomplishments. The goal is to share laughs and enjoyment, not information.

4.    Be playful

Nobody wants a clingy partner. Instead of letting your chosen one think they can have you at their whim, create suspense and doubt about your level of commitment. If you show your desire too strongly and too intently, you will likely evoke all kinds of fears in the other person. The less threatening approach is a playful one; the one that hints that you like someone without making it explicit, the one that shows you care, but also that you have other options; the one that introduces lightness, humor, and fun into the situation, and relishes the indirect, the implicit, and the half-said. Think of flirting as an invitation, not a pursuit. Take two steps forward and one step back and watch for signs of reciprocation before continuing forward.


5.    Make the other person feel special

We all have a longing to be accepted and there is no greater way to feel special than to be “chosen” by someone. Make sure the person of your dreams notices that you “choose” to be around them. If you are in a group of people be sure to sit or stand next to her. If there is a conversation going on, be sure to show extra attention to his remarks. Show that you will exert effort to be closer to that special person, that you will choose them over many other competing demands. Laugh a little extra at their jokes, ask one more question than you do of the person sitting next to them; make them feel singled out.


Rune Moelbak, Ph.D. is a psychologist, relationship expert, and couples counselor in Houston, Texas. He wrote his dissertation on the experience of interpersonal attraction and flirting. Visit his website

to read his entire research study or to schedule a couples therapy session on-line.

Posted on February 27, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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