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Feminine energy is distinctively different from its masculine counterpart – it is palpably softer devoid of any rough edges, is gentle and definitely more giving. There are quite a few gemstones in particular that agree more with the feminine energy system and definitely can aid in maintaining balance and keeping it healthy. Contrary to beliefs that have been generated by a suave marketing strategy, the Shastras-sacred texts do not advocate wearing of diamonds by women.
Here is a list of actual gemstones that are in particular beneficial for women:
Natural yellow sapphire: This is an excellent gemstone for improving marital relationships. In case of young girls still looking at getting married yellow sapphire or Pukhraj as it is known, helps in expediting/ increasing chances of marriage. In the rough and tumble of a rocky marriage, it can bring much peace and harmony.
Natural Pearl: Moon represents the divine feminine and its gemstone – the natural pearl is a reservoir of Moon’s energies. Wearing a natural pearl can greatly help in balancing emotions and getting rid of unnamed fears and unnecessary anxiety. Natural pearl can greatly help in soothing a frayed nervous system. Only 2% of pearls in the world are natural.
Blue Moonstone: Blue moonstone is an alternative/ substitute gemstone for Natural pearl. This gemstone was used by the ancients also as it was believed to boost fertility. The menstrual cycle is a biorhythm, aligned to the lunar cycle. Wearing the Moon’s gemstone – blue moonstone in this case can help regulate the menstrual cycle. This gemstone blesses with peace and radiance.
Natural Amber: Natural Amber is actually a resin but has been granted the status of a gemstone. Remember the yellow amber egg in Jurassic Park that had the Dinosaur DNA preserved in it? That’s exactly what amber does. The amber is famed for being a medium of preservation. Wearing amber can preserve life and aids a relatively disease free time. How’s that for an anti-ageing treatment. It is also a gemstone of truth and saintliness.
Natural Red Coral: Red Coral or moonga as it is known is the gemstone of planet Mars. Women with severe issues of painful periods and general reproductive health issues can benefit by wearing a natural Red coral. It is also a wonderful gem of self protection and wards of evil eye and jealousy from others. Red Coral also is a gem of courage and vitality and helps a meek person find footing and stand up for self. This gem gives the courage combined with stamina to do what one deems right, without fear. It can help establish healthy boundaries.
Natural Peridot: Heart breaks, pain of rejection and emotional baggage can really slow down a person’s progress in life. For a woman, these disturbing events can derail focus and block the realization of potential. Natural peridot is a wonderful gem where healing emotional wounds of the past is concerned. It helps an individual move beyond trauma and get a handle on life. It is also a gem that fosters sensible thinking and curbs mood swings.
Jade: In the Chinese culture, a girl upon her marriage is gifted a precious jade ornament as it signifies tremendous good luck. Natural jade also helps maintain good heart health. Real jade is hard to come by. Usually what is sold in the name of jade is Serpentine or Nephrite.
Rose Quartz: A gemstone with equally soft energies as its name. A very gentle crystal, a rose quartz can invite feel good emotions, romance and love in life.
Abhijita Kulshrestha is the Director and senior astro-gemologist at www.gemstoneuniverse.com. She is a GIA and PGA certified astro-gemologist. Abhijita is also an NLP practitioner certified by NFNLP, Florida.
*Planetary gem therapy is a preventive or can be used as a complimentary measure to medical treatment. It is in no way a substitute for medical treatment and care.
Pic Courtesy: Gemstoneuniverse.com
Victoria Milan has an interesting blog site, perfect for those who have felt the heart break of an extra-martial affair. I contacted Victoria only recently, to find out that she had been doing alot of work in surveying the websites members.
The results were quite interesting
More than a quarter of men and women surveyed said they would have a desire to level the playing field if they discovered their partner was cheating, with an amazing division on who the recipient of the revenge would be. Almost 80% of women would try to get back at their partner, while nearly 90% of men would direct their anger towards their partner’s lover.
I know this to be true from my own clinical work with couples in Las Vegas over the last few years. Even though the couples would come into the clinic wanting to restore the relationship, the first natural instinctive thoughts are for revenge to the unfaithful partner.
The survey asked about the types of revenge they would inflict:
Almost a quarter of women will destroy something their partner cares about – expect smashed windscreens and damage to your paintwork, gentlemen. 23% said they would level the playing field by having an affair of their own, and 19% said they would find the mistress and make trouble for her.
Men on the other hand are set on causing trouble for their partner’s lover, with 64% making it their mission to seek and destroy the object of their lady’s affections. 22% said they would leave their cheating partner immediately and 9% said they would embark on an adulterous adventure of their own to get revenge.
To read more of Victoria Milan’s survey, go to: http://blog.victoriamilan.com/affair-stories/cheating-wives-take-revenge/
1. Who Has Affairs?
We tend to think that only bad people have affairs or only people in bad relationships. But no one is immune from an affair.
Monogamy is something most people say they believe in and want for themselves.
Every survey ever done on this question shows a high percentage of people think monogamy is important to marriage and that affairs are wrong. But a belief in monogamy as an ideal doesn’t prevent large numbers of people from having extramarital affairs. Most people don’t intend to have an affair and most people don’t think it will happen to them—but it does.
Bottom Line: No one is immune from having affairs disrupt their lives or the lives of those they care about; they happen to all kinds of people, in all walks of life.
2. Why Do People Have Affairs?
The first question most people ask when they learn of their partner’s affair is, “Why?” And the answers they come up with are usually based on personal blame. They blame themselves, their partner, their relationship, or the third party. They see it strictly as a personal problem, a personal failure of the people involved. This is a very simple explanation for a very complex question.
Usually there are three different kinds of forces that are working together:
• Forces within the individual that pull them toward affairs
• Forces within the individual that push them toward affairs
• Societal factors
Forces within the individual that pull them toward affairs:
• Attraction: sex, companionship, admiration, power
• Excitement, risk, or challenge
• Enhanced self-image
• Falling in love
Forces within the individual that push them toward affairs:
• Desire to escape or find relief from a painful relationship
• Desire to fill gaps in an existing relationship
• Desire to punish one’s partner
• Need to prove one’s attractiveness or worth
• Desire for attention
Affairs are glamorized in movies, soap operas, romance novels, and TV shows of all kinds. Public disclosure of public figures having affairs is headline news because we are fascinated and titillated by hearing of others’ affairs.
People are bombarded with images of women as sex objects in advertising and marketing campaigns. Over and over, the message to men is that the good life includes a parade of sexy women in their lives. Women inadvertently buy into this image and strive to achieve it.
The lack of good sex education and the existence of sexual taboos combine to make it difficult for most partners to talk honestly about sex.
As teenagers we get conditioned in deception when it comes to sex—engaging in sexual activity while hiding it from our parents.
The code of secrecy is a major factor in affairs because it provides protection for the person having affairs and leads them to believe they won’t get caught.
Bottom Line: There is no ONE single reason a person has an affair. There are usually many reasons, including some of the forces that pull them toward affairs and some of the forces that push them toward affairs, combined with the influence of the general factors in society that contribute to affairs.
3. How Prevalent are Affairs?
Conservative estimates are that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an extramarital affair. These figures are even more significant when we consider the total number of marriages involved—since it’s unlikely that all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other. If even half of the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80 percent of all marriages.
But we need to take a closer look at the statistics on affairs to determine what they can contribute to an understanding of our sexual patterns. While affairs happen in non-marital, “committed” relationships as well as within marriage, most of the statistics deal only with “extramarital” affairs. These statistics began with Kinsey’s reports in the 1940’s and early 1950’s. Kinsey’s samples included 5,000 men and showed that by age 40, 50 percent of the men had experienced extramarital sexual intercourse. Kinsey’s original samples of 6,000 women showed that by age 40, 26 percent of the women had experienced extramarital sexual intercourse.
Later studies dealing exclusively with men indicate a continuous increase in the number of men having extramarital affairs. The increase for women having affairs has been even more significant. Some of the statistics, both for men and for women, are extremely high and legitimately debated, but many people question any statistics on extramarital affairs, arguing that statistics are unreliable and confusing and that no one knows precisely how prevalent affairs are. While there are slight differences in the estimates based on clinical studies and questionnaires, the bottom line is compelling in showing an extremely high (and rising) incidence of extramarital affairs.
Why it helps to know about the prevalence of affairs: For the person who knows their spouse has had an affair and is still trying to understand why, acknowledging the prevalence of affairs in our society can help them put it in a more realistic perspective. Understanding just how many others face the same situation (regardless of who they are or who they’re married to) can help break the sense of being so alone, isolated, or “singled out” for this experience. It can help overcome the feeling of “why me?”
People who have not yet faced this issue, either in their own lives or with their friends or family, would do well to start with a realistic picture of the frequency of affairs in society as a whole. It’s not that the sheer frequency means it will happen to any specific person, but it does say a lot about the kind of support to expect from society for remaining monogamous vs. having affairs. We need to make a commitment to face the reality of affairs and address the issue in a more responsible way, both individually and as a society.
Bottom Line: Most of us expect monogamy to be a normal part of marriage or any committed relationship. The reality is that monogamy is not the norm.
4. Is Monogamy “Natural?”
People often get caught up in a debate over whether people are naturally monogamous or naturally have affairs. That’s a useless debate, as was clearly expressed by Jessie Bernard in her classic work, The Future of Marriage:
• “Millions of words have been used to document both the naturalness and the unnaturalness of monogamy. The question…is, actually, unanswerable. We will never know if there is anything intrinsic in human nature that limits the ways the sexes can relate to one another because no one has ever survived outside of any culture long enough to teach us. Human nature seems to be able to take almost any form of marriage—or unable to take any form.”
Below is an excerpt from my book The Monogamy Myth where I expand on this point.
We can only understand monogamy and affairs in a societal context, in terms of the attitudes of society as a whole. Normally, when we try to understand why affairs happen we look only at the reasons why a person might want to have an affair, such as the excitement of sexual variety. But this doesn’t explain why affairs happen. People may want to have affairs for a wide range of reasons, but their decision to act on those desires is affected by the values and actions of those around them.
Affairs happen in so many marriages that it’s unreasonable to think they’re due solely to factors within each marriage. Whatever the personal factors involved in affairs, they are more than outweighed by the significant, powerful, and pervasive societal factors. We have a responsibility to learn more about our role, individually and as a whole, in supporting the societal factors that contribute to affairs.
Bottom Line: Debating the “naturalness” or “unnaturalness” of monogamy is a way of avoiding dealing directly with this issue. Regardless of whether or not it’s “natural,” it’s happening; so starting from there, there is much to learn.
5. How Can Affairs be Prevented?
Prevention is possible only through a commitment to Honesty, not a “promise” to be monogamous.
Definition of Honesty: not withholding relevant information.
What won’t work: Couples can’t avoid affairs by assuming monogamy or even by promising monogamy without discussing the issue. And they can’t avoid affairs by making threats as to what they would do if it happened. Either of these paths creates a cycle of dishonesty. In either case, people don’t feel free to admit being attracted to someone else. If they don’t admit these attractions, then they won’t admit being tempted. If they don’t admit being tempted, then they certainly won’t admit it if and when they finally act on the attraction. The effect on the relationship is to cause it to be filled with jealousy and suspicion, as well as making it less likely that it will be monogamous.
What will work: On the other hand, by specifically making a commitment to honesty, both partners realize that attractions to others are likely, indeed inevitable, no matter how much they love each other. So they engage in ongoing honest communication about the reality of the temptations and how to avoid the consequences of acting on those temptations. The effect on the relationship is to create a sense of closeness and a knowledge of each other that replaces suspicion with trust, making it more likely that it will be monogamous.
Why honesty works: The process of discussing attractions actually decreases the likelihood of acting on them, because it focuses on the potential problems of acting on them; whereas when a person is tempted to have an affair, their private thoughts usually dwell only on the potential pleasures. There’s an added fascination and excitement about feelings that are kept secret as compared to those that are acknowledged and discussed. Shedding the cold light of day on secret desires goes a long way toward diminishing their power.
Who can use this process? This process of acknowledging attractions and discussing how they are to be handled is one that both married and unmarried couples need to address prior to any problem with affairs. Constantly wondering and worrying about this issue creates a strain between partners that may prevent their developing a sense of trust in each other. They need to talk through their feelings about monogamy and attractions to other people on an ongoing basis as their relationship develops.
Bottom Line: There are no guarantees. The issue of monogamy is never settled once and for all. It requires ongoing honest discussion of the issue. This makes it possible for a couple to feel they really know each other, making it more likely they can trust that they won’t deceive each other, thus preventing affairs.
(Adapted from The Monogamy Myth by Peggy Vaughn)
Often when we enter into a situation with our partner for the purpose of resolving a problem or coming up with a solution, we come together with the attitude of competing against each other rather than creating a team effort. When we have the competition mind-set we bring our own ideas and solutions to the table with the attitude that my plan is the best and so the purpose of the discussion is to win my partner over to my side. When we do this, we create a number of relationship dynamics that are unhealthy for your couple intimacy.
When both parties think that their idea is the best, it creates a power struggle between them that can get rather nasty. Now, instead of working together on the same team you are at odds with each other. Secondly, this approach makes a statement of disrespect to your partner. Without actually saying it (well some of you do actually say it), you are telling your partner that their ideas have no value or that they are dumb. Sometimes this even leads to blaming and name-calling or other intimidation strategies. The usual result of this approach is that one of you loses and one wins or you come to a dead end where nothing is resolved. This approach tends to drive a wedge between couple relations in that one person is often left to struggle with feelings of disappointment or resentment. Sometimes the loser will even seek to sabotage the decision in order to proof their point or just as a way of expressing their anger.
A better approach is to come to the solution circle with the mind-set that both of you offer a legitimate perspective and so both of you have valuable insights to contribute to the solution. My wife sometimes quotes a saying from her mother which goes something like this, “if both of you think a like then there is only a need for one of you.” The point is that you need to see the fact that you both have different perspectives as a strength not a road block. As a team you can tap into the best of both minds, with two sets of insights.
Begin the discussion by defining what exactly it is that you hope to resolve. Allow each person to share his or her insights and concerns as well as what is of high value to them in coming up with a solution. Then, by using both perspectives work on a solution that both of you can own. When you take this approach one of you won’t be tempted to sabotage the solution in order to prove it wrong. Instead, you will both be inspired to give your plan the best effort. It will feel like a bonding exercise. And together, through problem solving, you will have discovered a more intimate response.
About the author
Phil Cole is the Pastor of Personal Development at Huron Park Baptist Church. He has an MA in counseling from Providence Theological Seminary. He holds a BTh and BRE from Emmanuel Bible College, as well as a BA in sociology from University of Waterloo. Phil is the founding chair of New Hope Family Ministries, which offers practical assistance to families impacted by abuse. Phil has his own counseling practice, and is also available for marriage retreats and weekend workshops.
We give thanks to Phil for permission to use his articles for helping our readers.
“You stole my first love.
I was always a romantic, dreaming of the moment love would finally happen for me.
I was sixteen when I met you. Sixteen and (mostly) innocent.
The first time you called me a name, I shrugged it off, figuring it was normal.
It became a pattern – the name calling, the absolute devastation I felt, the making up. The controlling. The jealousy.
All my friends, gone, because you didn’t trust them or whatever excuse you gave.
You fucking ruined me.
I see movies and books portraying first love and my heart aches.
No one ever talks about the first loves that weren’t so innocent, the ones that leave people broken inside.”
I wrote this the other night when I was feeling particularly upset about things that had happened in my past. Writing things down always seems to help.
My first relationship was emotionally abusive and controlling. I’m pretty open about this now that I’ve come to terms with it.
The minute I met my ex, I knew I was going to date him. It was just like the movies and the books. At seventeen years old, I had finally, finally, met the first guy I was going to fall in love with. Things moved fast between us. He asked me out the day before Valentine’s Day and I was absolutely giddy with happiness. It only took us a couple of months to tell each other that we loved each other. We were in love and I was happy.
People don’t talk about the good parts of abusive relationships. There are good parts. Why else would someone stay?
Things didn’t turn sour until we started fighting. Our fights were ugly – full of name calling and cruel words. He knew how to make me feel bad about myself and he succeeded. We broke up on multiple occasions, only to get back together again the next day. During one of our particularly bad fights, my dad had to come outside to protect me. He told my dad that I was a “whore,” (needless to mention – I never once cheated on the guy).
He started to become controlling. He didn’t like most of my friends because they encouraged me to leave. If we wanted to be together, if I loved him, I wouldn’t hang out with them anymore. I lost friends I had been close with since middle school. It got to the point that I was completely isolated and alone.
When he cheated on me while I was in the same bed, I honestly believed that it was my fault. I was that brainwashed. I’m ashamed to say that it took me another few months to leave. But I did leave.
Being in an abusive relationship in today’s society is not an easy thing. The media constantly pushes “true love” on us, love that is all encompassing and all forgiving. It’s easy (especially for young girls) to believe that this is true for all relationships. Even though my relationship was pretty toxic, I believed that he wasn’t hitting me, so we could work things out. I never even considered my mental health.
This relationship has had some pretty serious effects on me. I lost my innocence in that relationship, lost my chance of ever experiencing first love like it “should,” be. I’ve never been able to fully trust anyone after that, and I’m always keeping part of myself locked away.
I’m not complaining though. Sure, what happened to me sucks, but at the same time, I was able to leave. Think of all the other people who can’t leave, who don’t have the supports or the strength. Most don’t even recognize emotional abuse for what it is…. And how could they? It’s something that is rarely talked about!
I’ve decided to write my next novel about an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s time that young adults see that not all love is perfect, that not all love can be fixed. Because if I had had something like that, maybe I could have saved myself.
You’ve been a “good girl” busting your butt in the gym.
You’re weight is dropping… you’re starting to feel a bit sexy.
When you look in the mirror… you’re starting to feel less insecure about your body.
Since you’re feeling a bit more… voluptuous… you might have an itch to be a bit naughty.
And by naughty I don’t mean having a “cheat day” with some chocolate.
No… I the naughty I’m referring to is the “cardio” that involves toe curling… sheet ripping… powerful passionate connection that leaves you exhausted and satisfied.
Well, If you’ve been a “good” girl who’s feeling that crazy itch to be just a LITTLE bit naughty you have to go watch this video right now…
What I love about this video is that it teaches you the secret of being INCREDIBLY sexy and alluring to a man without ever acting or feeling “slutty”…
In fact, when you watch this you’ll learn how to get a man more turned on and desperate for YOU…
While fully clothed…
Acting totally innocent…
Than any other woman he’s ever met could while totally naked…
Do me a favor, fill in the blank: The only erogenous zone on a man that matters is his _______.
Do you know the answer?
Do you know how to USE the answer?
P.S. The reason so many men “pull away” from women is because women don’t understand this naughty secret about men…
For most people preparation for internet dating means that we find a photograph, write a profile and hope that when we put it out there it presents the authentic self that allures a future mate…and when we receive a response we hope that cyber chemistry will do the job and connect us with a future mate.
In reality most men don’t prepare well for the context of internet dating. There is no school, nor toolbox for maximising our performance. When we exercise, we following protocols such as understanding our fitness level, stretch, warm up, consult a trainer, review our performance and modify our technique.
Internet dating provides an efficient way to review potential candidates for your future mate. It can be an exciting but also a daunting proposition. A key challenge for men is to transmit that first authentic glimpse of you to a future mate and to continue to draw the lady to the real you in an alluring way. Another challenge is to minimise the risk of not listening to what the woman is saying and being misread as you communicate through cyberspace. Most men say too much on line.
The Secrets to Attracting Beautiful Quality Women is the personal trainer for men dating women on the internet. Savannah and Jessica give you insights into the mind of a woman. They help you grow your personal awareness, help you become a subtle yet powerful communicator and guide you through developing your personal dating profile. Savannah and Jessica employ strategies that will enable you to be confident in communicating the authentic you and help with strategies to overcome many of the pitfalls of internet dating.
Savannah and Jessica will help you to become your own personal helicopter, to listen to your intuition, help you read what woman are saying to you and help you assess and improve your performance to achieve your ultimate goal in attracting a beautiful, quality woman on line that wants to find out more about the authentic you.
Corporate Lawyer – Sydney, Australia.
“It’s your fault. You hurt me. You did this to me. I hate it when you… If you just….”
If our view (context) is that relationships are supposed to always be a safe haven, a place where we are fully met by our partner, or a “feel good” love fest where someone “completes me,” then the practice will be directed at trying to achieve this ideal. This view is a recipe for failure and disappointment, but most folks go along with it and keeps all parties involved stuck in immature love.
If, on the other hand, our view is that relationship is an ongoing practice rather than a static destination, then we can create practices that support this more realistic view. Our expectations and results will then be very different. We also start to see “practice” as a place other than the cushion or yoga mat. We see it all around us each and everyday.
If your claim is that you want to change your relationship life, you must be honest about where you are being a victim and wanting a rescue-job. It’s understandable where you got this message. The media and our culture inundate us with nonsense about how relationships are supposed to be. Many of us still think that when we find the one all will be well and they will complete us. Or maybe some of us think a “conscious” relationship means that we somehow transcend our issues, triggers, and neurosis.
When you don’t want to do the real work of relationship, you end up settling on these outdated views given to you by your parents, culture, traditions or teachers, thus perpetually avoiding the mountain of trauma, loss, hurt, anger, neglect, abandonment, rejection, that is living inside of you, which comes up very naturally in relationship.
This outdated view is keeping you perpetually young and unsatisfied. It keeps you trapped in the belief that you are supposed to always be happy in relationship or that the “right” relationship or “unrealistic” relationship will make you happy. Then we get upset when it never happens. We might even compare ourselves to others who make it look like this is happening (even though it rarely is) and we feel like crap. These are more reasons to be hard on ourselves. And, if we have a tendency to project perfection onto our teachers, we also remain susceptible to projecting “relationship perfection” onto our lovers and friends while remaining a hurt child inside.
The way out of this magical thinking?
We can learn to be adults devoted and committed to learning about “mature love.” We can heal through our relational hurts and pains and grow ourselves up on a daily basis.
We can turn this whole ship around people.
Anxiety affects millions globally. Luckily, anxiety can be managed, and hopefully cure them completely. The following advice in this article will help you to understand and control your anxiety. Read on for more excellent information about living your life with reduced anxiety.
Listening to music is a great way to deal with your anxiety. If you are starting to have some anxiety, pop on a CD. Focus on each note in the lyrics. (more…)