Category Archives: Recommended Reading
Moving from gridlock to dialogue and from disconnection to connection:
When couples disagree, most repeat the following disruptive pattern: blame, criticize, defend, express contempt, distance, and emotionally or physically withdraw.
Distress is not about how many fights you have or even if you resolve the fights. Distress is about how you fight, and whether you can retain some sort of emotional connection after the fight.
While traditional types of marital counseling and coaching tend to be open-ended and seek to solve immediate problems, such as continual arguing, by focusing primarily on behavior change and communication skills, our approach hones in on increasing a couple’s appreciation for how each partner feels in order to build trust and a secure base they can each rely on. In this approach, couples learn to recognize the negative cycle they are stuck in, where one person criticizes and the other responds defensively or withdraws. Couples learn to identify the needs and fears that keep them in that cycle. They learn to identify and express their underlying emotions. Partners learn to empathize with each other and become more supportive of each other. Partners come together through the emotional needs they are each expressing, and can begin to comfort each other’s needs.
Until a couple is able to identify, acknowledge and ultimately forgive injuries, an emotional gulf persists between them. No matter how dissatisfying things have become and how unhappy or angry partners may be, they each need to feel safe in coming together to work out their problems. Each partner needs to understand the emotions dictating their actions. The emotions behind perceived problems are the key to understanding each other.
Signs of a couple in crisis:
• Difficulty communicating well, especially when you disagree.
• Avoidance/Withdrawal-one or both partners choose to avoid or withdrawal from conversations as a result of negative discussion.
• Invalidation-when one talks negatively about the beliefs, feelings, thoughts, looks, etc. of the other partner.
• Negative Interpretations-when one partner believes that the other partner is constantly behaving/speaking in a more negative way than is actually the case.
• Escalation-when in a discussion, one or both partners begin to escalate the conversation to hostile levels.
• Not handling disagreements as a team.
• Unrealistic beliefs about marriage.
• Difference in beliefs about important issues.
• A low level of commitment to one another (infidelity, no long-term goals, etc.)
Would you like a FREE Chapter of our book “Reboot Your Relationship”?
Get ready for the next best romantic fiction trilogy!
The first installment in a forthcoming trilogy is full of passion, charm, and bittersweet fun. Lady Lay is a titillating page-turner that’s sure to appeal to fans of lighthearted romance novels.
Lady Lay is the story of one woman’s search for what it takes to fill the void in her life and strike a balance between the pits and peaks of who she is as a professional, a lover, and a woman. An emotional rollercoaster from start to finish, it centers on the strong, sensual Mirabella, a deep, ambitious character in her 20s, who’s determined to do whatever it takes to make her mark in a man’s world any which way she can.
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Domestic violence is a disturbing and sad topic. Most people don’t know why it happens or how to approach it. One wonders why someone could treat another in such a violent way or even why someone would stay with a partner that hurts them.
The 5 star rated book Understanding Domestic Violence and Abuse by Kelina Cowell, explains in details the statistics, cause, effect, and impact that abuse can have on it’s victims.
The sad fact is that anyone can become a victim of domestic abuse. Each of us has been touched by it in some way. Whether we know of someone or have been a victim ourselves. It comes in many different forms. Psychological, physical, sexual, financial, emotional, and these are only naming a few.
The abuse is to gain power and control and the impact is be devastating. As listed inside these powerful pages some victims will experience poor general health, mental heath issues, feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, self-loathing or apathy. This makes the road to freedom extremely challenging.
The statistics are breathtaking. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will experience domestic violence in their lifetime. Now think about how many of those victims don’t report the abuse and live in fear and pain for years. How many children are witnesses to this? It’s heartbreaking.
Understanding Domestic Violence and Abuse is eye opening. It is full of facts, history, and helps the reader understand the reasoning and how to break the cycle.
If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship this book will give you the knowledge to help them break free.
If you want an amazing relationship, here are the 5 Tips for Both sexes
Meeting 4 or 3 of these needs will not make your partner 100% happy.
Your goal is to meet all 5 of these needs so your partner feels amazing
with you and their partner, and visa verse.
FOR A MAN – You must look after these needs in your woman to make her happy
Honesty & Openness
FOR A WOMAN – You must look after these needs in your woman to make him happy
“ReBoot Your Relationship is a must-read for anyone in a relationship. Joe and Savannah will give you the ability to connect, communicate, relate and grow with your partner. They use the WE process, a highly effective process that will help you reboot your relationship!”
– Dr. Steve G. Jones, Ed.D.