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You Ruined Me

“You stole my first love.

I was always a romantic, dreaming of the moment love would finally happen for me.
I was sixteen when I met you. Sixteen and (mostly) innocent.
The first time you called me a name, I shrugged it off, figuring it was normal.
It became a pattern – the name calling, the absolute devastation I felt, the making up. The controlling. The jealousy.
All my friends, gone, because you didn’t trust them or whatever excuse you gave.
You fucking ruined me.
I see movies and books portraying first love and my heart aches.
No one ever talks about the first loves that weren’t so innocent, the ones that leave people broken inside.”

GUEST POST BY CAMILA – ‘A 23 year old who writes about love, life and everything in between.”

I wrote this the other night when I was feeling particularly upset about things that had happened in my past. Writing things down always seems to help.

My first relationship was emotionally abusive and controlling. I’m pretty open about this now that I’ve come to terms with it.

The minute I met my ex, I knew I was going to date him. It was just like the movies and the books. At seventeen years old, I had finally, finally, met the first guy I was going to fall in love with. Things moved fast between us. He asked me out the day before Valentine’s Day and I was absolutely giddy with happiness. It only took us a couple of months to tell each other that we loved each other. We were in love and I was happy.

People don’t talk about the good parts of abusive relationships. There are good parts. Why else would someone stay?

Things didn’t turn sour until we started fighting. Our fights were ugly – full of name calling and cruel words. He knew how to make me feel bad about myself and he succeeded. We broke up on multiple occasions, only to get back together again the next day. During one of our particularly bad fights, my dad had to come outside to protect me. He told my dad that I was a “whore,” (needless to mention – I never once cheated on the guy).

He started to become controlling. He didn’t like most of my friends because they encouraged me to leave. If we wanted to be together, if I loved him, I wouldn’t hang out with them anymore. I lost friends I had been close with since middle school. It got to the point that I was completely isolated and alone.

When he cheated on me while I was in the same bed, I honestly believed that it was my fault. I was that brainwashed. I’m ashamed to say that it took me another few months to leave. But I did leave.

Being in an abusive relationship in today’s society is not an easy thing. The media constantly pushes “true love” on us, love that is all encompassing and all forgiving. It’s easy (especially for young girls) to believe that this is true for all relationships. Even though my relationship was pretty toxic, I believed that he wasn’t hitting me, so we could work things out. I never even considered my mental health.

This relationship has had some pretty serious effects on me. I lost my innocence in that relationship, lost my chance of ever experiencing first love like it “should,” be. I’ve never been able to fully trust anyone after that, and I’m always keeping part of myself locked away.

I’m not complaining though. Sure, what happened to me sucks, but at the same time, I was able to leave. Think of all the other people who can’t leave, who don’t have the supports or the strength. Most don’t even recognize emotional abuse for what it is…. And how could they? It’s something that is rarely talked about!

I’ve decided to write my next novel about an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s time that young adults see that not all love is perfect, that not all love can be fixed. Because if I had had something like that, maybe I could have saved myself.

READ MORE……

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Beyond Divorce Provides Holistic Support and Direction for Those Embarking on New Lives after a Relationship Ends

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New Book by Life, Relationship, Grief-Recovery Coach Jeannine Lee

Details Emotional Fallout and Offers Coping Exercises to Navigate Divorce and Move On

Boulder, CO – February 19, 2014 – Traumatic. Painful. Disruptive. Divorce can trigger all of those feelings and more. But divorce can also be a stepping stone to a positive transformation, as demonstrated in the new book, Beyond Divorce: Stop the Pain, Rekindle Your Happiness, and Put Purpose Back in Your Life. Written by Jeannine Lee, ACC, CPCC, GRC, a certified life, relationship, and grief recovery coach; and creator of the 10-week Beyond Divorce Recovery and Empowerment Program, Beyond Divorce objectively analyzes the stages of divorce and offers tools and exercises to get through the emotional upheaval. Using both her personal and professional perspectives, Jeannine Lee masterfully leads the reader through divorce landmines safely to the other side, equipped to create a life of their choosing.

Beyond Divorce makes its public debut Friday, February 21st at the Horizons at Rock Creek in Superior, CO beginning at 5:30 PM. Attendees will be able to obtain signed copies and meet the author.  For more information about the book launch event contact Jeannine Lee at 303-499-1987.

“After going through my own divorce, I realized this experience is far more than a tragedy in one’s life,” says Ms. Lee. “There is another—powerful—component that is often missed. Divorce is transformational. It breaks open the protective layers we’ve developed around our heart and soul allowing us access to the courageous, creative, beautiful parts of ourselves—parts which are often unfamiliar.  I wrote this book and developed the companion 10-week recovery program as an aid to facilitating this transformation for those who are lost in the chaos and see no good in it.” 

Ms. Lee’s book takes the reader chapter by chapter from the chaotic ‘Living in the In-Between’ stage of transition, through ‘Resolving the Emotions,’ ‘Managing Your Thoughts,’ ‘Learning What Went Wrong’ and ‘Reclaiming Your Power.’  She covers these and other topics in significant detail and offers exercises and self-analysis tools, including several tips for releasing resistance to help those who need it the ability to move on.

Ms. Lee works with singles and couples in all stages of relationship re-design including conscious divorce, effective reconciliations, successful singleness, conscious dating, and purposeful partnerships. Her many years in the divorce field contribute to her successful results when working with couples who want to avoid divorce, or who desire to explore reconciling after divorce. Her successful coaching style is recognized and recommended by numerous professionals who work regularly in the divorce field. 

Attorney Sara L. Keane Ross of the Ross Law Firm, LLC in Boulder says, “Beyond Divorce offers those experiencing a breakup both a harbor in the storm and a light at the end of the tunnel. I recommend Beyond Divorce to my divorce clients as I believe all going through this painful time can benefit from Jeannine’s well-informed and heartfelt advice. There is life ‘Beyond Divorce’ and it’s critical that folks wading through the darkness learn how to build a new life for themselves.”

Jeannine Lee is an author and speaker, speaking about the power of transition, the beauty of transformation, and the importance of a designed life. She has been on the Talking Divorce, and Dealing with Divorce radio programs as an emotional health expert. Locally she facilitates her Beyond Divorce Recovery and Empowerment, Moving On, and other personal growth programs. Ms. Lee has trained with such prestigious coaching schools as The Coaches Training Institute, Center for Right Relationships, Complete Life Center, Grief Recovery Institute, and The Relationship Coaching Institute. Her training with the Colorado Collaborative Divorce Professionals equips her to work as a divorce coach in the collaborative divorce process. 

Beyond Divorce is a featured program of the company Life by Design Coaching Services, LLC, founded by Jeannine Lee. The new book, Beyond Divorce: Stop the Pain, Rekindle Your Happiness, and Put Purpose Back in Your Life is now available at http://www.BeyondDivorce.com.

Jeannine Lee

Jeannine@jeanninelee.com

303-746-7000