Blog Archives

You Ruined Me

“You stole my first love.

I was always a romantic, dreaming of the moment love would finally happen for me.
I was sixteen when I met you. Sixteen and (mostly) innocent.
The first time you called me a name, I shrugged it off, figuring it was normal.
It became a pattern – the name calling, the absolute devastation I felt, the making up. The controlling. The jealousy.
All my friends, gone, because you didn’t trust them or whatever excuse you gave.
You fucking ruined me.
I see movies and books portraying first love and my heart aches.
No one ever talks about the first loves that weren’t so innocent, the ones that leave people broken inside.”

GUEST POST BY CAMILA – ‘A 23 year old who writes about love, life and everything in between.”

I wrote this the other night when I was feeling particularly upset about things that had happened in my past. Writing things down always seems to help.

My first relationship was emotionally abusive and controlling. I’m pretty open about this now that I’ve come to terms with it.

The minute I met my ex, I knew I was going to date him. It was just like the movies and the books. At seventeen years old, I had finally, finally, met the first guy I was going to fall in love with. Things moved fast between us. He asked me out the day before Valentine’s Day and I was absolutely giddy with happiness. It only took us a couple of months to tell each other that we loved each other. We were in love and I was happy.

People don’t talk about the good parts of abusive relationships. There are good parts. Why else would someone stay?

Things didn’t turn sour until we started fighting. Our fights were ugly – full of name calling and cruel words. He knew how to make me feel bad about myself and he succeeded. We broke up on multiple occasions, only to get back together again the next day. During one of our particularly bad fights, my dad had to come outside to protect me. He told my dad that I was a “whore,” (needless to mention – I never once cheated on the guy).

He started to become controlling. He didn’t like most of my friends because they encouraged me to leave. If we wanted to be together, if I loved him, I wouldn’t hang out with them anymore. I lost friends I had been close with since middle school. It got to the point that I was completely isolated and alone.

When he cheated on me while I was in the same bed, I honestly believed that it was my fault. I was that brainwashed. I’m ashamed to say that it took me another few months to leave. But I did leave.

Being in an abusive relationship in today’s society is not an easy thing. The media constantly pushes “true love” on us, love that is all encompassing and all forgiving. It’s easy (especially for young girls) to believe that this is true for all relationships. Even though my relationship was pretty toxic, I believed that he wasn’t hitting me, so we could work things out. I never even considered my mental health.

This relationship has had some pretty serious effects on me. I lost my innocence in that relationship, lost my chance of ever experiencing first love like it “should,” be. I’ve never been able to fully trust anyone after that, and I’m always keeping part of myself locked away.

I’m not complaining though. Sure, what happened to me sucks, but at the same time, I was able to leave. Think of all the other people who can’t leave, who don’t have the supports or the strength. Most don’t even recognize emotional abuse for what it is…. And how could they? It’s something that is rarely talked about!

I’ve decided to write my next novel about an emotionally abusive relationship. It’s time that young adults see that not all love is perfect, that not all love can be fixed. Because if I had had something like that, maybe I could have saved myself.

READ MORE……

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How to become your own personal helicopter

Did you know……

For most people preparation for internet dating means that we find a photograph, write a profile and hope that when we put it out there it presents the authentic self that allures a future mate…and  when we receive a response we hope that cyber chemistry will do the job and connect us with a future mate.
In reality most men don’t prepare well for the context of internet dating.  There is no school, nor toolbox for maximising our performance.  When we exercise, we following protocols such as understanding our fitness level, stretch, warm up, consult a trainer, review our performance and modify our technique.

Internet dating provides an efficient way to review potential candidates for your future mate. It can be an exciting but also a daunting proposition.  A key challenge for men is to transmit that first authentic glimpse of you to a future mate and to continue to draw the lady to the real you in an alluring way.  Another challenge is to minimise the risk of not listening to what the woman is saying and being misread as you communicate through cyberspace.  Most men say too much on line.

The Secrets to Attracting Beautiful Quality Women is the personal trainer for men dating women on the internet.  Savannah and Jessica give you insights into the mind of a woman.  They help you grow your personal awareness,   help you become a subtle yet powerful communicator and guide you through developing your personal dating profile.  Savannah and Jessica employ strategies that will enable you to be confident in communicating the authentic you and help with strategies to overcome many of the pitfalls of internet dating.

Savannah and Jessica will help you to become your own personal helicopter, to listen to your intuition, help you read what woman are saying to you and help you assess and improve your performance to achieve your ultimate goal in attracting a beautiful, quality woman on line that wants to find out more about the authentic you.

Matthew Wilson
Corporate Lawyer – Sydney, Australia.
http://www.matthewwilson.com.au/
3D

Keen On You – Dating, Face Reading & Relationships

Love is one of the most beautiful products of human interaction, a blending of affections between a pair of people that forms a lasting bond. Though there are countless ways to show this emotion, there are actually five categories of Love Expressions that can be used to define those using them.

Understanding not only your own categories but your partner’s as well will help strengthen your relationship and improve the impact of the kind gestures you do for one another. The concept of love expressions is a surprisingly easy explanation for the intricate dance of affection, but don’t be surprised if you find yourself nodding in agreement when you discover yourself or your partner in an expression or two. Use these compatible categories as a guide, and you’ll start to notice less fighting and a more pleasant tone to your relationship. If you haven’t found that special someone yet, this information can also help you make a more informed decision about a future mate.

Naturally, each individual is different when it comes to how they love and what types of love they respond to. The love expressions are an excellent place to start if you’d like to learn how to achieve harmony of the heart with your mate. The very act of discovering your partner’s category or categories compels you to take a deeper look at the interactions you share with them. Finding your own expression orientation is often enlightening as well, and can offer helpful clues to help you improve an existing relationship or hunt for an ideal partner.

Disagreements and frustrations in relationships arise from partners who don’t understand one another, but figuring out love expression types will give you both a strong starting point for deeper connections. Each of the 5 categories of love expressions – Attention, Closeness, Compliments, Service and Thoughtfulness – carry certain attributes that appeal to some of the other categories. Though categories tend to be a part of someone’s ingrained nature, learning how to acquiesce and appreciate the differences of a “mismatched” type can build harmony, even if there wasn’t much to work with initially.

Each category in the love expressions array is different, but keep in mind that there is no right or wrong among them. Someone who enjoys close physical proximity is no more or less romantic than a partner who prefers to do the dishes to show their devotion. While a bouquet of roses may delight one person, another may accept them with a silent wish for a poem or a repair job for a broken drawer instead. Scenarios like this are the reason that figuring out both partners’ categories is an important step towards a better relationship.

When you’re ready to start on the path to new and lasting love, call your partner to sit and talk with you. Read, discuss and ask your lover about these categories, as their insight will inevitably help you discover your own tendencies as well. Keep an open mind and make a genuine effort to truly listen to what they say – you may be surprised at what you learn, even if you’ve been with your lover for decades.

Dating or in a relationship? improve with Keen On You relationship tools; face reading, personality, love expressions and more

http://www.keenonyou.com

Going On An Internet Date

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There are thousands of success stories from online dating, thousands of couples that are enjoying the benefits of the Internet. Without question, online dating has expanded the social circles of millions, making it possible to find people with common interests with a minimal of effort. Background check services can be used to verify the identity of potential friends and dates before you meet, saving you from disappointment or worse.

 

People have formed relationships with people through the internet only to find out later that their partner was lying about being single, hiding a criminal past or sex offender conviction or using the relationship to get money. That’s why it’s so important to find out as much as you can about potential friends and dates before committing to anything.

 

Most online dating sites offer a set of rules to help people avoid being hurt emotionally, physically or financially. One should never give out personal details such as one’s address or the place where they work. Some online dating sites conduct their own background or verification checks.

 

An online dating background check is useful for finding out if a potential date has been honest about themselves in their profile and in conversation. The online dating background check can reveal important things like whether someone is married, has a criminal record, a sex offender conviction, declared bankruptcy or has some other significant financial problems. By doing an online dating background check you can verify the person you have grown attached to is really who they say they are. One story I saw about online dating, told the tale of a man who waited too long to conduct an online dating background check. He had already married his online sweetheart when he found out she had lied about several parts of her past and was still married to someone else. Such heartbreaks or frauds can be avoided by doing an background check.

 

It is advisable that when you do wish to conduct a background check, you hire private investigators to do so. They are mostly retired policemen or someone from that particular line of work, hence they have experience with such methods. They can be more discrete than an average person and also have access to different databases that aid in their search. Also, if one decides to conduct a background check by oneself, one may waste lots of time in doing so. Private Investigators help by saving your time and energy.

 

No matter how sure you are of the sites’ security, always take precautions to protect yourself. One can never be too cautious.

 

 

 

@scrappymomPI